update

2015. 

When was the last time I actually posted something on this site? June 23. A few months ago, well it felt more like a lifetime ago? The prime reason I am updating this blog is because it totally slipped my mind to bring my journal. Feel and try to visualise my frustration, please. I have always brought my journal along with me and out of all the days where the immense urge to write decides to become apparent, I forgot. Ugh, mentally stabbing myself. I am over @ the school's Starbucks, sipping on Raspberry Truffle Mocha Frappucino. I have no idea why I am drinking it, particularly me being a caffeine-hater. Its alright, though. I guess the pre-menses state is here to say hello! 

Anyway, its coming to the end of January, which primarily equates to me saying Adieu to my slug life and Marhaba to school! (try to notice the vague sarcasm intended) Am I excited? Well, can you conceptualise anyone waking up at 6:30 AM with an overly thrilled face, laughing gleefully at 8 AM and happily sacrificing sleep for an unrealistic deadline that was set by lecturers who are beyond absurd? NO, MY EXACT SENTIMENTS. Obviously, I am not ready to give up on a lot of things. I mean, during my 4 months holiday I have surprisingly made a few commitments. To inanimate objects, that is. I will miss writing to my heart's content, sleeping in till noon, unexpected dates with me, myself and I over at Starbucks, reading till the wee hours of morning, not showering till evening (yes ew, but I was at home the whole day, surely delaying my bath can't be that bad), all wrapped in my soft clothes aka my FAV PYJAMAS even during the day et cetera et cetera. List could go on, but I'll just spare you the petty details. However, I am sort of looking forward to school. I was more of getting restless over the holidays, as a matter of fact. Reason being I am the type of person that enjoys studying greatly. A day can't go on without me finding some form of new information. It is a need and is of utmost importance for me to gain new knowledge. I am just baffled at how much secrets the world kept. Speaking of, did you actually know that the wrinkles at the back of our fingers are actually dimples????? Oh and the scientific name for a jellyfish is Medusozoa. Weird how it is awfully close to Medusa, right? The trailing tentacles of a jellyfish and Medusa's hair. See the link? Right right??? As I was saying, (I am always swaying away from the topic) this is what I would do mostly during the holidays. Searching for facts to entertain myself. 

What I would miss the most would be writing. I would not call myself a fine writer, for I do not major in English. I do not know the proper rules for writing and grammar and whatnot. I am just an avid writer and reader. It is a hobby mostly, never a profession. Let me tell you a secret: I actually have this book whereby I write about the people I am close with - J.I (my clique), Seetz, and other minor individuals I encounter. It may seem as though I am a stalker but this is what I am good at - observing people. I know I know, there are a lot of people nowadays proclaiming at how good they are at "observing" people. I mean, yes anyone can do that but.. I don't know. Its like, I have this indiscernible link that I can predict how they are like, what would they do, what does their reaction mostly mean. You know, sometimes, I have this weird theory that I may be.... a psychic. I'm joking, ha! Nonetheless, yes. Its just how I am, maybe there are others that are like me, no doubt about that for I am not trying to be anyone special (I'd rather blend in, in fact). I guess this is a reason why I love to meet new people, keep in mind that I dislike to engage in intimate interactions despite loving to create new bonds. So, I observe and I write about them. Pen it down how each of them are different. What makes each of them stand out and live up to their name. This, to me, is absolutely exhilarating. Also, I suppose I write to help myself remember. God knows what is wrong with my memory for these few years now. It's like I am constantly forgetting major things and that is not exactly helpful in certain situations. Something is up with my head, recently. Recurring aches happening at the hindbrain. Hey brain cells, you having a gig going down there? Coachella's over! No idea what is going on with my brain, but no worries, the appointment I have on February 13th will clear it all up, I hope. 

Alright, I guess this is all I have for now. It is already a quarter past 7 and I wouldn't want to miss my family dinner. This is a once-in-a-blue-moon kinda post, an exception. It will be back to my journal after this post, as it has always been. So long blogger! Nothing but love, always love. 

Farah A.

“

1. Date a boy who makes you happy, but marry him only if he makes you laugh deep-belly rumbles that hurt your ribs as they expand outwards. Date him when he sees that you’re hurting and he gives you a moment to feel that pain like a handprint spreading across your consciousness, marry him only if he can make you smile even while you’re gross sobbing. The world is not a kind place. You will feel a lot of pain. Make sure you are with someone who makes it all bearable. Humor is an excellent gauge of intelligence. Life gets boring. Find someone who makes the banal interesting.

2. Make sure he has scars on the back of his hands, it’s a good sign he has experience either fighting or making things - creation is an act of selflessness and bruised knuckles are a good sign he knows how to defend himself. You’ve got too much soul to be handled by someone who has never been passionate. If he’s never thrown a punch, let him at least have tasted the insanity of bringing an idea into existence. Rough palms are better than soft ones, they have been salted by this earth and made into leather. Callouses are evidence he has lived, that he has broken skin and been in pain over and over and over again and still came back to the source of it. People rub against each other. Don’t marry him if he can’t handle even a little blister.

3. Before you say yes, get him angry. See him scared, see him wanting,see him sick. Stress changes a person. Find out if he drinks and if he does, get him drunk - you’ll learn more about his sober thoughts. Discover his addictions. See if he puts you in front of them. You can’t change people, baby girl. If they are made one way, it doesn’t just wear off. If you hate how he acts when he’s out of it now, you’re going to hate it much worse eight years down the road. You might love him to bits but it doesn’t change that some people just don’t fit.

4. Trust your instincts. If he ever makes you feel unsafe, don’t make excuses, just get up and leave. That’s all there is to it. It’s better to be safe than sorry.

5. If he puts money before you, he’ll keep pushing you to the bottom of the pile until you become his last priority. It’s one thing if he can’t afford what you want, it’s another if he has the cash but won’t spring for a box of chicken mcnuggets. Money and love are arch enemies. 62% of divorces occur due to economic strain. Make sure keeping you is more important than his 401k.

6. How a man treats animals is a good indicator of how he treats children. If you see him raise a hand to a dog, pack your things into a little black bag. Animals at their worst are only half as annoying as a toddler on their best behaviour. Your kids will be beautiful, but they will also misbehave. Same goes for waiters and hotel maids - if he’s rude to those who are working for minimum wage, it says a lot about how he sees himself. Patience is rare and so important. If he’s not forgiving to a dog, he’s not good for your kids.

7. If he isn’t in awe of you, he doesn’t deserve you. You are my little girl and you were born perfect. If he can’t see that, it’s his loss. There is someone who thinks your flaws power his heart. Be strong. If he asks you to change, be like like rock of your birthstone, do not waver. You are wondrous just the way that you are.

”

—	My father’s recipe for the man I should marry (part 1/2 of a series). ///r.i.d

"This is how you lose her.

You lose her when you forget to remember the little things that mean the world to her: the sincerity in a stranger’s voice during a trip to the grocery, the delight of finding something lost or forgotten like a sticker from when she was five, the selflessness of a child giving a part of his meal to another, the scent of new books in the store, the surprise short but honest notes she tucks in her journal and others you could only see if you look closely.

You must remember when she forgets.

You lose her when you don’t notice that she notices everything about you: your use of the proper punctuation that tells her continuation rather than finality, your silence when you’re about to ask a question but you think anything you’re about to say to her would be silly, your mindless humming when it is too quiet, your handwriting when you sign your name in blank sheets of paper, your muted laughter when you are trying to be polite, and more and more of what you are, which you don’t even know about yourself, because she pays attention.

She remembers when you forget.

You lose her for every second you make her feel less and less of the beauty that she is. When you make her feel that she is replaceable. She wants to feel cherished. When you make her feel that you are fleeting. She wants you to stay. When you make her feel inadequate. She wants to know that she is enough and she does not need to change for you, nor for anyone else because she is she and she is beautiful, kind and good.

You must learn her.

You must know the reason why she is silent. You must trace her weakest spots. You must write to her. You must remind her that you are there. You must know how long it takes for her to give up. You must be there to hold her when she is about to.

You must love her because many have tried and failed. And she wants to know that she is worthy to be loved, that she is worthy to be kept.

And, this is how you keep her."