Starting with the positive ones (at least, I hope it is). I have a fleeting crush on someone (thank God I got over **). I couldn't help but to think of him every single day. I laughed, smiled, rant rubbish and cursed with him every single day without fail :3 But I wouldn't want to ruin our friendship. It has always been like this, hasn't it? A girl not wanting to confess their feelings just because their friendship is at stake. But what do I do? I'm nothing more than just a friend to him. Sigh, I will come to my senses one day that this is all just a fleeting crush, and nothing more than that.
So recently, there are few hurdles in life that I went through, and I have to cope with. It almost killed my sanity. But I knew better than to let my emotions and feelings get to me. As a matter of fact, my friends were having their own hurdle in life too. Without me knowing anything, I became their source of hope (not to brag or anything). I gave them my opinions based on my experiences, gave them hope, gave them the belief that they can get on with their lives.
I felt contented and pleased, that I am able to share and give my encouragement and persuasion. On the contrary, I feel empty and hollow with the fact that I gave hope and confidence to others, and I am always there for them, but I can't express or let out my anxieties/problems to others. Even if I explain it to others, there will always be judgement made. Society's fucked. Yes, it is. But even with my problems, I will always have to remind myself that when they are happy, I am too.
I do not care much anyway. I am changed and I wasn't that weakling I was a year ago. I can control my emotions and I can think straight. But who am I kidding? I do have my slip ups and flaws. XX