I visited my friends at Republic Poly a few hours ago. I needed to since I was feeling miserable for the past few days. I needed my friends and I so badly need that happiness I once possess back in high school. And so, I head to RP with a content and an excited mindset. Turned out I was wrong. Dead ass mother fucking wrong.
First of all, the guy I used to hate so much had to be there. I had a peaceful time not thinking nor having his presence in my social circle for a long time and he just had to be there. It takes time for me to adjust and when I am adapting to it, he just had to ruin it somehow. I am fully aware of the fact that I have to learn to forgive and forget every damn damaging event that happened but how can I when he hurt me so badly? To make it worse, my best friend was chatting with him so casually. I don't have the authority to tell her who she should not mix with or who she can't talk to. But why? Why talk to him so openly when I told you how much he had hurt me? But I am beginning to accept his existence. Not fully though. I may forgive him but no, I will never ever fucking forget.
Oh, and I really do not get it why the heck on earth would people just blindly hate me for no apparent reason. I have done nothing, N O T H I N G to make you hate me or whatsoever. You want to stereotype and make your own judgements before really knowing the true matter, then please go ahead. But know this, you will forever be in your own shell for being so shallow.
And lastly, my dear best friend. Sigh. I apologize for pushing you away. I had to have these few days to ponder what is to be done for myself. To make the right decision for both of us. I see you're adapting with your new environment. Good to see you smiling and looking content. Maybe beneath that smile holds a very gloomy amy that I know all too well. I have been too lonely for a long time too and I need reassurance that you'll be there for me. But neh. I do not wish to disturb your life with my nonsensical thoughts and boring rants. I wouldn't want to get in your way with Mus & Syarizah anyway. You have them to talk to when I wasn't around so I am sure you'll be fine. So I am finally letting go. Of the strings that bind our 9 year friendship. No more ties. ☺
(I sound like I'm typing a suicide letter but no, just a normal rant hehe)
I do acknowledge I changed. To someone introverted. But I guess it does suits me better. I'm not saying I won't keep in contact with all of you guys. I will still do, to certain people. Not to forget, I will still blog. I need to make room for new things that will arrive sooner or later. And by doing so, I have to throw away the past. G'night.