Hey there my loyal friend. It really has been quite a while since I last updated my blog. It has been more than a month I presume. Anyway, there were a handful of events that took place, both for the better and the worse. Well, let's just put it this way. The core of every event just so happens to orbit around this particular guy.
I can't say much or even type out all the things I intend to since my blog is exposed to the public. All I can muster up is that I feel so restricted more than ever since I'm attached. I'm not able to do stuffs like I used to in the past. I want to be able to speak freely, without having to think twice and not giving a hoot about whatever people think. I want to be able to roam the streets alone, without a care.
To be able to feel the wind caressing my cheeks, to be able to smell the fresh soil all condensed at night, to do everything with free will. I miss all that. I miss that freedom.
Don't get me wrong, however. I'm not saying I want to break off my relationship with him. I just need a breather you know. It has been quite sometime since I've been attached and I've grown to develop a deep sense of devotion towards being alone. I prefer my own company more than others. I'm not saying I don't like having his presence around. I do. I really do. Hell, I love him to bits and pieces. It's the kind of love where you love him too much till it hurts to even love him. I myself didn't know I'm capable of possessing such strong feelings for someone. I am still adapting to this relationship issue. There are many other subjects and problems that I've been bottling up since the past but I can't seem to attain the right moment or place to let it all out.
Sometimes, I feel as though I might shatter one day. All these feelings and thoughts have been all too overwhelming and overpowering for me to handle. But I know for sure I can still withstand. Even so, I will break down soon, no doubt.
I've been stuck in the same situation I was in the past. I thought I've taken a few steps forward in life but it turns out that I've taken 10 steps back. It is so frustrating knowing that I try as hard as possible to keep moving forward but to no avail. It is disheartening and annoys the hell out of me but I can't seem to do any shit about it. I just hope that Allah provides me with enough courage and tolerance to handle whatever hitch I am thrown with.