Whaddup blogger! I've finally found the perfect moment to type out again, which is exactly when everyone's safely sleeping and I'm the only lonesome soul in this house. Many events have taken place for the past few days and I'm feeling all messy and unsorted. Prolly due to the fact that my thoughts are fluttering around in my head like butterflies. It has been quite some time since I have actually typed/written down my never ending train of thoughts so. Here we go.
So July 21, 2012 was the start of Ramadhan. I'm quite thrilled actually for Ramadhan & Raya this year. Maybe it is due to the fact that I'll be spending it in this new house. Brand new house, brand new memories. It didn't start off well though, but each and everyone of us are making effort for a new beginning. Anyway, I've been occupying my time evenly with my family and friends. I broke fast with my friends (sec sch) for a few times now and it went, as usual, wonderful! The situation with my bff's all cleared up now. Grateful to have her back. I've had the sweet, mellow taste of happiness again. The time spent with all of them are priceless. All in all, I'm grateful for having such incredible and amazing friends existing in my life.
Anyway, the highlight of today's post is actually this feeling that has been continually nibbling my insides. I do not know what the hell is wrong with me. I have everything I could have ever wished for - the love I receive from my friends and family. And yet, this empty, hollow depth of sadness exists. It's not those normal sadness you would feel everyday, no. It's much more........... deeper. It feels as if you are being choked, stripped off from every air particles in you. Like all the spaces around you tightened till it becomes still, nothing left. I can't comprehend why this happens when I have been awarded with the richness of the love and friendship that I am surrounded with every single day. On most days and nights, wherever I may be, I would be lost in my thoughts, brooding on how such feelings could exist in a person. My only conclusion is that no matter how vast or immense a person's happiness lies, it does not prevail the amount of sadness that lies within. Transports of delight are only temporary. It's as if the only sole purpose of contentment and joyfulness is to cover up the holes of grief and gloom hidden underneath. A false front. While happiness is temporary, sadness is permanent.
I don't know. That's my opinion. Sigh, it's 2:24 AM now. I have only been sleeping for 2/3 hours for the past few days and for the following day, I would feel perfectly fine and normal. I do not feel tired at all. This just proves that my body clock is officially screwed. Oh well, g'day folks.